Chapter 40 CHARLOTTE The morning I left Milan had been unusually cold , and the air smelled a little different .
I askedaria if the nobod it , but she answered by saying that she didnt feel anything unusual .
I sneezed as we got into the car , and the suggested that we go back and reschedule if I wasnt feeling well .
Its alright , Maria , I said with a thin smile .
The drive to the airport was filled with conversations between her and the driver , Luigi .
I could tell they had a rapport from prior conversations as they discussed a place I wasnt familiar with .
I listened to their exchange , grateful for the distraction from the thought of leaving Maria all alone .
I tried to dismiss her , but as I boarded the plane , I couldnt deny that I felt a little different .
Maria had accompanied me to the airport , and the new driver had made a good impression by getting us there in record time .
We had some time to talk while we waited , enjoying breakfast together in a restaurant .
When it was time to board , we said our goodbyes , and for the first time in a long time , I felt my heart break a little .
It wasnt the same feeling that engulfed me when Rogerio mentioned the divorce , this one was different .
It was an old feeling , one that had planted its roots in my mind the day I finally accepted that I was alone in the world .
When extended family members didnt reach out to me after a period of hoping there was someone who cared even a little , I remember laughing at my audacity to think that anyone was coming to save me .
Then , a wave of impending doom enveloped me .
That same feeling coursed through my body as if this was the last time I would ever see her , and the realization that I was on my own once more filled me with dread .
Somewhere , in the corner of my mind , a small thought roamed .
I could stay back and go to school in Milan ; there are great universities here , and I could get a job or start my own business .
Los Angeles was a distant place that I barely knew .
I was barely an adult when I left , and I can bet a lot of things would have changed by now .
Perhaps I should stay somewhere I knew how to navigate the routes and pick the best cuisines , I thought to myself , smiling wistfully as I shook my head slowly .
But then , surely , I could experience more than something I already had a history with , and it would keep me far enough from Rogerio so I could heal properly .
I tried to convince myself that it was solely because I needed to create new memories , but another thing I could finally admit to myself was that I was running away from my life as Signora Thuthai .
As I took one last glance at her , I realized that two things can be true ; in this case , three .
One , I was running away from the Thuthais and everything that came with them , although the ring and money were great souvenirs .
Two , I wanted a new life as Charlotte Edwards .
I hadnt been that person in a while , and perhaps I could do a few things differently .
Three , I would miss Maria .
She was the closest person to me, and talking over the phone wouldnt feel the same as having conversations in person .
But I knew I had to do this .
We had already come all this way ; this wasnt the time to get cold feet .
It was a hard but inevitable decision , so I put on a brave face .
As I stepped onto the plane , Marias last words rang in my mind .
If you ever need to come back to Milan , dont let anything make you hesitate .
This is your home .
I understood what she meant and thanked her for her kindness , but as I settled in and the plane started to glide off the runway and make its way into the clouds , I knew I wasnt coming back .
I had escaped from yet another traumatic point in my life , and I was relieved it was over .
If anything needed to be done about the house , Maria 21 22 Dancing into the Heart of Mr.

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Ce 25.8 Chapter 40 could handle it .
She had all the money , and I didnt mind sending more , but I knew I didnt want to spend another night in that place .
The sudden mood shift had me feeling disoriented for a bit .
If I had given in to how I was feeling earlier , we could have been on our way to the estate , and I wondered if that was something I would have liked if I tried .
As we moved further away , I settled in with the idea of something new .
When I arrived at the hotel , I would plan an itinerary for the next day .
I could walk through the city , stop by the school , and find more activities to do .
I turned and stared at the person next to me ; she was asleep with her head hung low .
I resisted the urge to touch her or move her head back into position .
It would be a kind gesture , but I didnt want to initiate anything .
I just wanted to get off and be in my hotel room .
I didnt have to engage with anyone here .
I looked away and closed my eyes , wishing I could fall asleep too .
I knew that was futile because my thoughts raced all over the place at the prospect of being somewhere else .
I couldnt shut them off , so I needed to do something else .
I picked out a book and started to read it , but a few minutes later , she started to snore , and a part of me appreciated the days when I would travel on Rogerios private jet .
I chuckled and closed the book .
Welcome to the real world , I muttered to myself as I stared at the cover for a moment before putting it away .
Deciding to go to the bathroom , I figured it would give me some time to myself , and perhaps my movement would wake her up and stop the snoring .
I picked up my bag and made my way to the bathroom .
Getting there was the easy part , but getting in was a different story as the attendant informed me that it was occupied .
I contemplated making my way back to my seat , but as I turned around , I bumped into a man who had just gotten up from his seat .
I bit my tongue to stop myself from cursing and focused on my bag and things scattered on the floor .
Lowering my gaze , I mumbled an apology and bent down to pick up the items .
As I fished for things that had gotten under some seats , I realized that he had walked away without saying a word .
Rude , I muttered , standing up to look around for him , but I only caught a glimpse of his hair as he made his way towards the cockpit .
I tried to see his face , but I felt a hand touch my shoulder , and I turned around .
The attendant had found some of the other things , and the lady occupying the restroom had stepped out .
I thanked her for finding them and went into the bathroom .
This was my first time flying economy since my wedding , and I was already bumping into people , embarrassing myself in front of everybody .
I exhaled and turned on the tap to wash my hands , staring at my reflection in the mirror .
The air felt warmer as my eyes glanced around the small space .
I couldnt wait until I got off the plane .
I needed a warm bath to get rid of this cold feeling and some wine .
I wondered what Id want for dinner ; first , I had to look up which city we were going to stop over in .
Then I could plan what to eat and decide if I wanted to get back on a flight immediately .
I toyed with the idea of booking first class this time .
Signora Charlotte , do it , I whispered to myself .
I made my best impression of Maria , trying to encourage myself to make that decision , but I didnt believe it enough to go through with it .
I sighed and decided it was better to focus on one thing at a time : getting to L.A.
If I had to endure snoring passengers and bumping into rude ones to be able to have enough to give myself a head start , then I would stick to it .
I didnt come this far to lose sight of what I intended to do .
A few minutes later , I slipped into my seat and watched the passenger who was still fast asleep .
This time , I was envious of her ability to get comfortable enough to sleep through everything .
I wished I could close my eyes and make it all go away until the end of the flight , but I was stuck staring at the clouds .
I had always loved the view from the window ; it meant I could stare at the soft white water cushions , as my mom liked to refer to them .
Looking at them made me feel a lot more comfortable than I had been .
A few minutes later , I pulled my eyes 21:22 Dancing into the Heart of Mr.
Col 26.0 % Chapter 44 away from them as the pilot announced that we were landing 1 got off the plane , walked into the airport , and decided to try out a restaurant .
My next flight was in five hours , so I had time to explore this new city .