Chapter 33 CHARLOTTE Before leaving the courtroom , I stole a final glance at Rogerio .
He looked perfect in the three piece suit he had on , and I yearned to tell him that , but I knew better .
He seemed excited about the outcome of the proceedings and did a fine job of avoiding my stare .
As he spoke with his lawyers in the most enigmatic fashion , I smiled wistfully and walked to the parking lot .
My lawyer offered to follow me , but I declined .
I thanked him for his role in the hearing and made my way towards the car with slow , steady steps .
Thankfully , the lot was empty , so I got into the car and sat in silence for a few minutes .
Everything I had dreamed of having for almost two years had gone up in flames in a few hours .
I had no more zeal to fight for anything left inside me .
I could wish to turn back the hands of time or try to find a light at the end of the tunnel , but I knew those options were pointless .
No matter what I did , nothing would change .
I tried to come to terms with what had happened , but the more I tried to wrap my head around it , the more confused I got .
I started driving for a bit , but my hands trembled , and I knew the sensible thing to do would be to stop , so I did that .
I looked outside the car window and watched the passersby .
For an instant , I wished I could be like them , oblivious to the pain that tugged at my heartstrings .
Then I chuckled at my wishful thinking .
They might not have my type of problems , but I was certain they had some problems they needed to fix as well .
I couldnt take solace in anyone elses troubles ; we all have issues tailored to specific needs .
I couldnt tell what the next persons issues were merely by looking at them , but I knew mine .
It haunted me with every breath I took .
I had no tears left to shed for this cause , and if I was being honest , I had lost a marriage of convenience .
Thats what Rogerio thought it was , anyway .
True honesty would be admitting I had lost the man I had grown to love .
I wasnt sure how to cope with it .

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When my parents died , it was easy to bawl in my room and wish they would walk through the front door and tell me it was all a sick joke .
But death made it permanent .
Knowing that they wouldnt be around forever broke me as much as it gave me strength .
Realizing that Rogerio would always be so close but yet so far away was something I wasnt sure how to deal with .
I started the ignition and exhaled loudly .
I needed to get home and crawl into my bed .
Perhaps I could sleep for a very long time , and when I opened my eyes , the pain would be gone .
What do I do ? I muttered as the world around me faded into the distance .
Nothing mattered anymore ; I was too sad to pay attention to anything beyond getting to the estate .
When I arrived , I declined to have lunch and went straight to my room .
I lay in bed for a few minutes , trying to force myself to fall asleep , but that didnt happen .
I stared at the ceiling and counted sheep for a bit ; none of that helped my predicament either .
I needed to find something a distraction .
Something that would make me feel a lot better or make me too distracted to notice the pain in my heart .
21.2 % Chapter 33 I tried to stand up , but my body protested against any movements .
My intentions didnt matter at this print , I wrat forced to stay in bed .
Soon , I had dozed off and slipped into the same recurring dream .
This time , there was no Rogerio , just me standing in the middle of an empty stre , Waves of loneliness engated me as I wrapped my hands around my body and tried to force myself to wake up , Signora … I heard a familiar voice calling faintly in the distance , I looked around , but I couldnt see anyone .
I closed my eyes and listened to the voice as it called out to me once more , Signora , wake up , I opened my eyes and saw Maria sitting next to me .
Her eyes expressed her worry as she placed a damp cloth on my head .
Maria ? I started to say but stopped as my throat felt sore .
You have a fever , Signora , she stated , standing up , Does your head ache ? She asked as her eyes glanced around the room .
I nodded in response , and she smiled sadly , Ill be right back .
She exited the room for a few minutes , leaving me with my thoughts .
This was the worst time to be ill ; I needed all the strength I could get to move around and find other things to do .
Lying in bed all day wasnt on the menu .
My eyes shifted to the door as it creaked lightly , She entered the room holding a glass of water and painkillers .
Here , take this .
I tried to sit up and realized the severity of the illness .
Every joint and muscle in my body ached with every move I made .
I felt nauseous as the taste of the medicine touched my tongue and I tried to stop myself from puking all over the floor .
My head throbbed and tears streamed down my cheeks , This is the worst time to be ill , I croaked , and she sighed in response .
You already have too much to deal with ; now you have to take care of me too .
Im sorry .
Youve got nothing to be sorry about , Signora .
Ill get a doctor to come over , and youll feel better in no time .
No , no doctors .
I think this will pass ; Im probably reacting to something I … My thoughts drifted back to the court hearing , and I immediately knew the root of my problem .
I had accumulated so much trauma in the last few days that my body was beginning to tell its own version of the story .
I probably just needed to rest for a few days , and Ill be fine .
I just need to rest , I added with a forced smile .
No doctors .
She shook her head in response but she didnt argue with me .
If you insist , Signora .
Ill be back to check up on you in an hour .
Thank you , I responded .
She gave a little nod and exited the room .
The next few days were the worst ; I alternated between nightmares , terrible migraines , and the feeling of dread that constantly enveloped me .
Maria was the only source of joy I had , but one day , she walked into the room with a confused look on her face .
What is it ? I inquired , my voice barely above a whisper .
She stared at me for a few minutes , contemplating if she needed to tell me the reason for her worries .
Dont hide anything from me and dont lie .
Itll hurt much worse than the truth .
21.4 Chapter 33 She nodded slowly and sat next to me .
I closed my eyes as she pressed a palm against my temples.
Do you feel any better ? A little , I lied , and she smiled wistfully .
I just got a letter from Signora Thuthai , she started to say , and she watched my face for a reaction .
I looked at her in confusion .
Rogerios mother ? I asked in a surprised tone .
Yes .
Well , technically , the letter has her signature and the familys seal , but it might not necessarily be from her .
I scoffed at her response .
Oh , its definitely from her .
She doesnt like me ; I wouldnt be surprised if she wrote a thousand letters to that effect .
We sat in silence for a few minutes , each lost in their thoughts .
She didnt say that in this letter , though .
I sighed .
Why send a letter when phones are available ? Well , the Thuthais have their way of doing things .
Yeah … They need to join the rest of us in the 21st century .
I retorted , and she stifled a chuckle .
What does the letter say ? Signor Rogerio would be coming over to pick up the rest of his things in a week .
Well , thats peachy , I uttered drily .
At least when I take walks around the house , therell be fewer things to remind of the life I once led .
me A thin smile spread across her face , and she looked relieved .
Would you like dinner now ? I was grateful for the change of subject ; the less I thought about Rogerio , the better for me .
Yes , please , I replied , and she exited the room .
The days rolled by , and the scheduled day came quickly .
I was eager for it to be over soon as I tried to ignore the mixed feelings that came with seeing Rogerio one last time .
I got out of bed and walked down the hallway .
Nothing prepared me for the sight I saw .