Chapter 101 Grayson Babe , who was that ? Christine asks , propping herself up on her elbow .
The cream sheet clings to her curves , but her tone is flat disappointed .
Again .
Club business , I answer , my voice clipped .
She nods , laying back down and turning away from me , her shoulders stiff .
I know Ive let her down .
I could get my dick up this time , but I just couldnt finish the way she needed me to Its not her fault .
Shes beautiful , the most beautiful woman Ive ever been with , and I couldnt ask for a better wife .
The problems me .
Lately , Ive felt like Im drowning .
Trying to make the club legitimate , trying to protect Alyssa , trying to give Christine the family she deserves k ) all too fucking much .
Since I was twelve years old , Ive been under pressure .
Being groomed to take over the club .
Taking care of Mom when she got sick .
Raising Alyssa after I killed our father .
That kind of weight on my shoulders has never gone away : I just pretended I was strong enough to carry it .
Now , without my meds , its all crashing down on me .

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My bodys punishing me for it , too .
Every day , the chance of Christine and me conceiving slips further away , and its all on me .
Feeling the familiar churn of failure , I retreat to the living room with a pack of licorice in hand .
I need to call King and reby what War told me .
As much as it annoys the shit out of me , Alyssa is Kings ol lady and he needs to know whats going down .
Hell pass my message onto Niko , since those three are always together anyway .
Im half convinced theyre all living at Kings house now , which is weird as hell , but not my business .
mn shit at showing it .
Moms gone .
I killed Dad , and its just me Ive failed her too many times , but Im trying to make amends .
I love her even if Im s and her now .
I refuse to lose her ton The moment we had today at Moms grave keeps replaying in my mind .
Shes given up .
I saw it in her eyes , heard it in her voice .
Shes convinced Isaac will win .
That hell kill her.
Fuck .
I cant wait to get my hands on him , though theres now a line of people wanting to fuck him up before Alyssa takes the final shot .
King picks up on the third ring Whats up , prez ? You busy ? I ask , even though I can hear the muffled crying and shouting in the background Not really , King replies dryly , Just visiting our friend .
Mr.
Rivera .
King , youre making a mess Mason grumbles in the background , Well , I told the stupid motherfucker to stay still .
Not my fault he was wiggling like a worm on a stick , King growls .
Anyway , you call for a reason or just to micromanage me ! The latter , I say with a hint of humor .
Worried you were too pussy whipped to actually do your job He chuckles , but theres an edge to it .
Nikos at home with her .
As long as I know shes safe , I can focus on the task at hand I hate to admit it , but he really loves her .
Im starting to feel that all three of them do .
Not in a brotherly way , either .
If King hasnt noticed it by now , it might be a bloodbath when he does .
Im not looking forward to dealing with that shit I mean , the fucker was willing to kill me just for raising my voice at her .
So , whyd you really call ? King asks , his voice nearly drowned out by muffled pleas .
Damn , I thought Mr.
Rivera wouldve been tougher .
He sounds like a little girl .
Hold on , King barks .
Mace , stuff a gag in his goddamn mouth before I punch him in the throat You cant .
Gray said not to kill him , Mason reminds him I always have to tell him that before every job because he can get carried away .
I swear , the night we took out Jax and all those members involved in the sex trafficking ring was probably the best night of his life .
I didnt even think he was capable of emotions outside of rage and violence until it was obvious he was fucking my sister .
Just earlier , I saw firsthand how she can turn off that insane part of his brain with just a touch .
1/3 Chapter 101 tomorrow .
Alyssa and Zuri dont leave our War just called , I tell him , my voice turning serious .
I dont know what , but something might pop off tomor sight .
They werent going to anyway .
King replies , his voice laced with a dark possessiveness .
Alyssas riding with me , and Zuris riding with Niko and Mason You think maybe they shouldnt go ? Mason chimes in .
Its really not the best idea for them to go , but after the promise she asked me to make today , maybe she needs to .
Its your call .
King , but I think she needs this .
She needs to see the strength we have in numbers , that were not afraid of that motherfucker .
Because she has doubts , King .
Shes fucking terrified of him .
King goes quiet .
The air feels heavier , the tension bleeding through the line .
When he speaks again , his voice is low and dangerous .
Whatd she tell you ? Shes not convinced .
I admit , my throat tightening .
I cant tell him everything what she asked me to promise but I cant hide her fear either .
She doesnt believe shell make it out of this , King , Shes already bracing for the end .
His sharp intake of breath is followed by a string of curses .
That piece of shit- His words cut off , replaced by a loud crash .
Im going to make him fucking beg for her to end his pathetic ass life .
Well … Mr .
Riveras probably dead now .
King , you didnt kill him , did you ? Its not like it would be a big deal .
Mr.
Rivera is a monster just like the rest of my clients , but this is his first month being late .
I usually dont let King have free reign until the third time .
Yeah , hes still breathing .
King grumbles .
Mason snorts .
Barely .
Hes too old to be thrown through tables , King Look , if Isaac shows up tomorrow , well deal with him I say , trying to calm my brother down .
But we also need to be careful .
Lots of innocents will be there , we dont need anyone getting hurt that doesnt deserve it .
Since Ive taken over the club , the public trusts us more , and tomorrow is supposed to be a fin , charity ride for DV survivors , money were raising : to give to shelters .
We dont need any problems started .
Got it , King replies curtly before hanging up .
I sigh , leaning back against the couch .
The weight on my chest feels suffocating Alyssas broken voice plays in my head again : Promise me youll keep them from coming after me .
Zuri loves them .
I dont want her to lose all of us .
If theres anything I realized about my sister since she came back to Moonshadow Creek , its that shes so much stronger than I thought she was .
Even preparing for her own death , shes only thinking about her daughter .
I hate myself for ever questioning her ability as a mother because shes an amazing one .
Christine walks into the room , her bare feet brushing lightly against the hardwood .
She stands there for a moment , just watching me , hcr eyes heavy with concern .
Gray ? She pulls her robe tighter around herself .
Are you okay , babe She doesnt wait for me to answer , and sits beside me , her warmth colder than it should be .
I can feel the tension in her , the way her body leans slightly away from mine even as I wrap my arm around her waist .
Its like were miles apart , even though shes right here .
To answer her question , Im not fucking okay .
But I cant tell her that .
She doesnt need to worry about me .
So Ljust nod , Alyssa wile there tomorrow .
I just need you two to get along , I plead quietly .
They havent been around each other since Alyssa tried to fight her , and I really dont need the chance of something else going wrong tomorrow , Of course , baby , She circles a finger on my bare chest , her voice soft and hopeful But in exchange , do you think we can try one more time tonight ? I sigh .
I know I shouldnt complain about having so much sex , but Im fucking exhausted .
So is my dick .
Still , I swallow one of my little blue pills , my guilt swallowing me whole as I lead my wife back to bed .
I want this baby .
I want her happiness but I cant shake the feeling that Im somehow failing everyone around me .
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