Chapter 20 I never thought Id see Pax again .
But fate , it seemed , had a cruel sense of humor .
Two years later , on another Christmas Eve , as Berlin slipped into wintertime , I found myself walking through streets dusted in the seasons first snowfall .
The golden glow of streetlamps flickered against frost coated windows , the world outside hushed and serene .
Inside the lab , however , serenity was the last thing on our professors mind .
This ones going to be a handful , she muttered , rubbing her temples in exasperation .
Her frustration was so uncharacteristic that Erike and I exchanged amused glances .
Whats the problem , Professor ? Erike asked , barely suppressing a grin .
A hard case , she sighed .
Connections .
Family money .
One of those .
Cant be fired , hard to manage what a headache .
Then , as if resigning herself to fate , she looked between the two of us .
So ? Which one of you is going to mentor him ? A man , then .
I instinctively took a full step back .
Erike you do it .
I shook my head with mock solemnity .
Id hate for her to fall helplessly in love with me .
A voice came from behind me .
A voice I hadnt heard in two years .
Cecilia .
I stilled .
For a moment , I thought I had imagined it .
18:22 Backup Girl No More : Adios To My V Card and My First Love 57.0 % Chapter 20 But when I turned , there he was .
Pax Brown .
Standing in our lab .
That night , he officially joined our team .
And in the weeks that followed he shattered nine beakers .
Forgot to turn off the equipment fifteen times .
By the time he nearly melted an expensive sensor , I couldnt take it anymore .
I turned to him and , for the first time in two years , I spoke to him directly .
Maybe you should just marry a beaker .
Pax froze .
For a second , he just stared at me .
Then his eyes turned red .
Cecilia , he breathed , voice raw .
Does this mean youve finally forgiven me ? He looked at me like he had been waiting for this moment longer than he could bear .
He told me he had meant every word hed said back then .
That he had done as he promised .
That he had long since severed ties with Nina .
But that had never been the real problem , had it ? They had grown up together .
He had spent his whole life by her side , buying her gifts .
Picking her up in the dead of night .
If I had been in her place , maybe I would have fallen for him too.
I shook my head .
57.2 % My First Love Chapter 20 The fact that youre even asking me this question means you still dont understand me .
His breath hitched , his fingers twitching at his sides like he wanted to reach for me .
But before he could , Huaiyu stepped forward , casually positioning himself between us .
Paxs breathing turned uneven .
So thats it , then ? His voice was barely above a whisper .

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Youre with him ? Erike ? What was he even talking about ? I laughed , shaking my head .
Pax , what does this have to do with anyone else ? I looked at him really looked at him .
I just cant tolerate being lied to .
You lied to me once , and I will never be able to trust you again .
There was a time when the thought of leaving him had made my chest ache .
A time when just the idea of walking away had felt like ripping myself apart .
But I had left .
And I had survived .
Because the truth was I didnt want to spend the rest of my life questioning .
Did he love me ? Was I enough ? Would I always come first ? I had no interest in becoming that kind of woman .
So I smiled soft , distant , untouchable .
10.90 To My Card and My First Love 57.49 % Chapter 20 Youre a mess , Pax .
Youre terrible at this .
Please dont ruin our lab too .
Then , just as gently Can you not make me hate you ?