Chapter 5 Chapter 5 That night , I filled the bathtub to the brim with scalding water , watching steam rise in thick clouds .
I desperately wanted to wash away every trace of the past twenty four hours , as if enough hot water could somehow cleanse my soul along with my skin .
But as I undressed in front of the bathroom mirror , the purple blue marks scattered across my skin told their own story .
Love bites on my neck , fingerprint bruises on my hips each one a reminder I couldnt erase .
The bruises werent ready to fade , just like the memories .
Last night came flooding back uninvited the burning heat of his skin against mine , his passionate breathing against my ear , the way hed whispered my name in the dark .
The ghost of his touch still lingered everywhere , like phantom hands tracing patterns across my body .
The warmth of his chest pressed against my back , his fingers intertwined with mine memories I wanted to forget but couldnt seem to shake .
I shook my head violently , grabbing the sides of the sink until my knuckles turned white , trying to shake away these fragments of madness .
These moments that meant everything to me and nothing to him .
Grabbing my roughest loofah , I scrubbed and scrubbed until my skin turned angry red .
My arms , my neck , my chest anywhere his lips had been .
As if I could somehow erase what had become the most humiliating memory of my life .
The physical pain felt almost good , like maybe it could overshadow the ache in my chest .
The raw , stinging pain kept me tossing and turning all night .
Every position hurt my skin too sensitive , my body remembering touches I was trying to forget .
Aiden didnt text , of course .
For the first time in six years , since we got our first iPhones in middle school , there was no goodnight message .
No inside joke about his calculus homework .
No stupid TikTok he thought would make me laugh .
No heart emoji that I used to analyze for hours .
Just deafening silence .

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Better this way .
It had to end sometime .
Might as well start detoxing tonight .
I drifted in and out of consciousness until dawn approached , finally falling into an uneasy sleep somewhere between counting sheep and counting mistakes .
17:40 Backun Girl No More : Adios To My V Card and My First Love 3.1 % Chapter 5 .
Just as morning light began filtering through my curtains , I felt what seemed like a gentle kiss on my forehead , so real it startled me from my dreams .
For a moment , my heart stopped , thinking he might have used his spare key to check on me like he sometimes did before school .
17:40 Backup Girl No More : Adios To My V Card and My First Love