Chapter 14 Chapter 14 When I regained consciousness , the sterile scent of antiseptic filled my nostrils .
I had been evacuated to a hospital back in Meridia .
The doctor explained that Id spent two weeks in intensive care .
My internal injuries were severe , and I had taken a bullet to the shoulder .
But by some miracle , my spleen remained intact , and the bullet hadnt exited my body .

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The limited blood loss had kept me alive until the peacekeepers found me .
I knew with crushing certainty why I had survived Joseph had shielded me twice .
He had given his life for mine .
I reached out desperately to everyone I could , searching for any trace of him .
But they all said the same thing : the chaos made recovering his body impossible .
With casualties mounting , Doctors Without Borders had suspended operations in East Meridian Province .
I had no way to return and search for him .
Just like that , Joseph vanished .
Every night , I woke screaming , gripped by terror .
His final moments played endlessly in my mind , refusing to fade .
The doctor diagnosed me with PTSD .
I tried everything medication , therapy , even alcohol .
Nothing helped .
Everyone urged me to move forward , to let go of the past .
But how could I ? He died protecting me .
This thought became an inescapable shadow , constantly looming over me .
It made me hate myself for surviving , hate that I lived while he died , hate this world for denying him his happiness .
Countless times , I stood at the edge of rooftops , wanting to follow him .
But each time , at the last moment , I stepped back .
This life was bought with everything Joseph had .
I no longer had the right to throw it away .
Six months later , I returned to work after my leave .
But I could no longer bear to handle cameras or photographs .
I requested a transfer to an administrative role .
Time crawled by , yet I remained a shell of myself , hollow and lifeless .
My colleagues couldnt stand watching my decline and encouraged me to socialize , even arranging a blind date .
I planned to exchange mere pleasantries and leave .
Then I met Jackson .
The moment I saw his face identical to Josephs I froze , summoning every ounce of strength not to break down .
17:44 Backup Girl No More : Adios To My V Card and My First Love 25.8 % Chapter 14 Later , I learned he was the brother Joseph had mentioned , At first , using him as a substitute brought some comfort .
Those ordinary days were seductively peaceful .
I would cook dinner when he worked late .
Wed spend days off watching movies together .
When nightmares jolted me awake , seeing him sleeping beside me would ease me back to rest .
These were the simple moments Joseph and I never had .
I lost myself in the illusion , almost believing the lie Id crafted .
If I could spend my life this way , in quiet contentment , wouldnt that be enough ? But illusions always shatter .
They were never the same person .
Joseph had promised to meet my mother .
How could he have given away her camera ? He had risked everything to protect me .
How could he stand idle while others belittled me ? He said he found his purpose in me .
How could he ever view me as merely a sheltered woman confined by family obligations ? I was filled with self loathing .
His body wasnt even at rest , yet here I was , escaping into a fantasy with his shadow .
How could I betray him like this ? I had to leave , even if I wasnt ready to face reality .
I needed to find him .
I should have gone back long ago .
I have to return and bring him home myself .
17:44