46.7 % Chapter 7 , Chapter 7 Give me back my passport .
Were already over .
Where I go next is none of your concern , Pax .
I turned off my phone , the pale glow fading into the darkness .
Silence settled around me , thick and unshakable .
Pax knew I had never left the country before .
Knew I had never even considered applying for a passport .

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Yet here I was .
At the beginning of the year , he had mentioned it so casually , like it was just another passing thought .
I heard the first snowfall in Norway is breathtaking .
You should get your passport sorted .
We should go together sometime .
Back then , I had laughed , brushing him off .
We should save money first .
We had never traveled together .
Never even made real plans .
Not for him .
For myself .
For a future I never told him about .
My phone vibrated again a voice message .
His voice poured into the quiet , edged with disbelief , amusement barely veiling his irritation .
18:02 Backup Girl No More : Adios To My V Card and My First Love 46.9 % Chapter 7 Who said we broke up ? A scoff .
A short , incredulous laugh .
Did I say we were over ? His confidence was maddening .
Cecilia , I know you cant bear to leave me , but do you really have to play this game ? You were looking forward to the trip .
You even went and got your passport , didnt you ? Secretly , without telling me .
Why are you still pretending ? I let the words sit there , unread , untouched .
Even now , even after everything , he still thought I wouldnt leave .
Not him .
Not after all the years we had spent together .
Maybe he thought I would hold on , that Id forgive , that Id let this become just another rough patch wed get through .
Maybe he thought Id still be waiting .
Then another message .
His tone softened , his frustration giving way to something gentler , something almost coaxing .
Remember when I told you I wanted to be honest with you ? This was what I wanted to tell you .
The lies .
The deception .
The carefully crafted act , pretending to be struggling , pretending to be one of us when he never was .
But then Nina came back early , and everything got … messy .
10.03 Rockum Girl No More : Adios To My V Card and My First Love 47.1 % Chapter 7 .
A pause .
A sigh .
Im sorry .
Lying to you was wrong .
I let my friends get to me , let them talk shit , and I went along with it .
I said things I shouldnt have .
Moving out was just me trying to clear my head .
But I never meant for us to actually break up .
You know that .
His voice was steady .
Sure .
Like he believed , without a doubt , that no matter what , we would still be us .
And maybe , in some other time , some other life , I would have let myself believe him too .
Because I knew he loved me .
That part was real .
But so was the lie .
And I wasnt the kind of person who could forgive both .
I was selfish like that .
Hypocritical .
A liar myself , but unwilling to accept being lied to in return .
Especially when Nina was still in the picture .
If he wouldnt end this , then I would .
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