I said , I havent been home in four years .
Can I at least visit my parents grave tomorrow ? He hesitated , a trace of guilt showing in his eyes .
He nodded .
Once they were gone , I quietly went back to my room .
The hospital was right .
I was falling apart .
Just climbing the stairs felt like knives were jabbing at my body .
Mark cared about what my parents would want , didnt he ? Hed feel really bad if he knew I was dying .
Then again , I looked at the memory of Ashley .
Forget it .
It didnt matter .
He was her fiancé .
Even his quilt wouldnt < Back in my room , I ignored all of Ashleys stuff and pulled a box from under the bed .
It was full of the gifts Mark had given me .
He got me something special every year .
On my 18th birthday , diamond studded heels .
He said Id always be his princess , even when I was an adult .
When I was twenty , a necklace that was supposed to be one of a kind .
He said I was his only one .
It was those little things that made me think he felt something more for me too .
But it had all just been wishful thinking .
I held onto the box , tears streaming down my face .
So many things for me , the first time for everything , had been with this man .
First time Id fallen in love .
First time someone made me feel important .
He was also the one who hurt me the most .
Ever since hed sent me to the brothel , there was no way we could be together .
That feeling for him , it had died < Theyd tossed away almost all of my things .
But somehow , this box was still here .
I pulled out the gifts and laid them on the floor .
Then , I picked out one particular item .
It was a knife .
Beautiful , elaborate .
Mark had given it to me as an early gift when he had to go overseas for business .
It had been made by the best craftsman , with my favorite pink quartz inlayed .
I remembered what he had said : Willow , as long as Im here , nothing can hurt you .
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If I cant be here , this knife will keep you safe .
I laughed at that , tears in my eyes .
Id use that knife to end my life tomorrow .
I wonder how Mark would feel when he found out .
I put everything back in the box , and tucked it away .
I had hardly done that when I heard Ashleys voice : Willow.
what are you doing here again ? Vou く need to stop touching things ! She was being loud , looking at all the gifts .
She was dripping with jealousy .
What if you broke something ? These things are gifts from Mark ! She walked up to me and kicked the box .
All the jewelry went flying .
She stepped on a picture of Mark and me and glared at me .
You still have all this stuff ? Do you have some kind of fantasy with Mark ? Hes my fiancé now .
Youre a used up slut , dont think youre good enough for him .
I let out a dry laugh .
She wasnt even trying to act nice anymore .
Take them if you want .
Theyre all yours .
Who are you giving it to ? I heard Marks voice from behind me .
He was furious .
Willow , how can you just give away the gifts I gave you ? His voice was trembling , and I saw a kind of disappointment in his eyes .
It was clear that the box had sparked some old memories for him .
My legs were starting to go numb from squatting for so long , and I was starting to feel dizzy .
I said .
Uncle , youre marrying Ashley .
If she wants these gifts , Im happy to give them away .
I dont want them anyway .
You dont want them ? Mark looked like he was going to faint .
He stared at me for a long time and gave up .
Fine .
Whatever .
I saw Ashley with a smug smile .
I was exhausted , so I went back to the guest room .
Now I could hardly even walk .
The next morning , I headed to the cemetery .
Mark was already there , waiting in the car .
Lets go .
I havent visited your parents in a while .
He was so cold , but I still saw this conflicted look in his eyes .
I didnt say anything , I just went to the back < Before I opened the door , he grabbed my arm .
Why are you going to the back ? You always sat in the front seat before .
I looked at him , confused .
Uncle , youre getting married .
It wouldnt be appropriate for me to sit in the front , right ? His face stiffened up .
I pulled away and got into the back .
We didnt talk for the whole ride .
He kept looking at my reflection in the mirror , and finally asked : Why are you sleeping so much now ? You never used to be this lazy before .
I coughed and wiped the blood from my lip .
Maybe Im just getting old .
He glanced at me , frowning .
Youre not old .
Stop saying depressing stuff .
The mood was almost okay , so I asked , Uncle , if I died , would you be sad ? Marks hands froze on the steering wheel .
His voice went up .
Dont say that ! How could < You think youre being dramatic , trying to get my attention , arent you ? I didnt answer .
I closed my eyes , deciding to just rest .
We were done here .
At the cemetery , standing before my parents graves , I felt like my heart was going to break .
If they knew what had happened to me , theyd be so worried .
But it would be okay .
Id be with them soon .
I knelt down and hit my forehead on the ground a few times .
Mark helped me back up .
He saw the blood on my forehead and looked like he was in pain .
You dont have to do that .
They know whats in your heart .
I nodded and didnt say anything .
He was clearly worried .
Willow … His phone rang , and he turned away to answer it .
I said goodbye to my parents telling them all L the things I needed to .
Then , I pulled the knife from my sleeve .
It was so beautiful , so sharp .
Id never used it before .
My first time would also be my last .
What was the difference between dying now and dying in a couple weeks anyway ? No one cared about me anymore .
I saw Mark out of the corner of my eye .
He was on the phone , and I felt this weird sense of calm .
I was almost there .
He was on the phone , and he sounded like he was getting annoyed .
Hed been looking at me differently since Id come back .
But then , I thought of Ashley , and I knew it didnt matter .
Mark , are you coming home ? I miss you .
I saw his face when he was talking to her , and I felt sick .
He was so different when he talked to her .
Mark finished the call .
Im taking Willow to lunch .
Youll have to ask Mrs.
Davison to H make you something today .
He was trying to be nice , but I knew that he was just being polite .
He hung up , and turned around .
Willow , lets go eat … His eyes went wide .
Everything went silent .
I was on the ground , and all he saw was a pool of blood around me .
Mark didnt know how he got me to the hospital .
All he remembered was flying through red lights .
He remembered how light Id been .
He was so worried .
The doctor had said I was fine , but what he was seeing was not fine .
My face was like a sheet , and I wouldnt wake up .
I was losing too much blood .
He watched as they took me to the ICU .
He was shaking .
Please , Willow , please dont die .
I have so many questions for you .
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